What the Heck is Schizoaffective Disorder Anyway?

So now that I have introduced myself as someone who lives with schizoaffective disorder, you are probably wondering, "what the heck is that anyway?"

 Good question. I am not a mental health professional but as someone living with the condition, I can give you my lived experience as well as some of the facts I know. 

Schizoaffective disorder is a mental illness characterized by symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder such as major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder. So instead of just depression, just mania or just psychosis, it’s all of the above. Sometimes overlapping, sometimes taking turns. But what does that mean for the person living with it? Well, right now for me it means that I am in a depressive state while experiencing hearing voices and paranoia. Here's the important part, it's getting better thanks to careful and intense intervention from my psychiatrist. I am currently seeing her every two weeks where when I am stable, (yes thankfully there is stability too.) I see her maybe once every month or two, just to check in.  Sounds like a lot of fun huh? It's confusing and a rollercoaster ride at the best of times. 

Many people ( like me) had a long road to their official diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. This is because it can look like other mental illnesses a lot of the time and it takes time to finagle out what is really going on with a person's symptoms. A lot of people are first diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder with psychotic features at first (as was I). But being honest with the right doctor can make all the difference. I spent a lot of time wondering why my symptoms weren't getting better despite being in treatment for bipolar disorder. I had never been honest with my doctors about the fact that I was hearing voices and experiencing deep paranoid delusions outside of my mood episodes. Once I opened up about the chatter in my head and the fact that I thought my landlord had placed cameras in our home to get us kicked out all while feeling level mood wise, my doctor changed my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder and I got on the right treatment plan for me.

And yes, I take multiple psychiatric medications. Here's something about psychiatric medication: it saves lives. It doesn't change your personality, or make you into a murderer (like some would have you believe). It balances out the chemicals in your brain so that you can live your best life. Period. Are there side effects, of course there are. Are some of them sucky? Of course they are. But does that mean that I would give them up, no way. I've lived without them, I've missed doses, but I know how much they help and am willing to keep at them because here's a secret; there is no cure for mental illnesses such as schizoaffective disorder, bipolar or schizophrenia (well, yet anyways. I have hope that one day there will be.)  

For now, I will bake bread, I will grow tomatoes, I will knit and crochet until my fingers hurt and I will continue to hold onto hope. Because I have seen the good days, and I know that even though I may struggle, I am still worth fighting for. 






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