The Schizoaffective Homemaker

  So how did I become a homemaker as a person living with a mental illness? It wasn't an overnight thing. In fact it was a bit of a journey.  When I first was diagnosed with a mental illness (at first I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder) I wasn't living a healthy life at all. I was drinking a lot on top of my medication (never a great idea), so I wasn't getting the full benefit of it and was still having a lot of symptoms. I was a bit of a wreck. It took everything I had to just walk to my apartment's laundry room to make sure we had clean clothes to wear, let alone cooking dinner and cleaning every day. Life was a mess for me. On top of all this I was dealing with symptoms that I hadn't disclosed to my doctor (or anyone else) out of fear. I thought that people were trying to kill me with their cars when I was out walking, I was having auditory hallucinations that I didn't understand, and sleep was not my friend. I was struggling at work and eventually went ...

 Not too long ago, I began working with a vocational case manager to use the Social Security Administration's Ticket to Work program to try and go back to work. I have been without a job and on disability since 2016. I surprisingly found a job at a call center fairly easily. I was excited, and nervous to re-enter the workforce. My first day on the job wasn't too bad, I was in a training class with 5 other people. It was hard to be out of my comfort zone of home for so long, but I made it through. The next day wasn't as easy. I felt very nervous and began to feel suspicious of my co-workers and managers. For example, during the training class, two of the trainers looked at their computer and began whispering to each other and soon walked out of the room. I was certain that they were speaking to each other about me and planning on firing me. I was able to make it through yet again, however and went home and cried.  As the days went on, my anxiety and paranoia grew. I could fe...

 Living with an illness like schizoaffective disorder, means that everyday tasks can seem insurmountable sometimes. This is due to symptoms like avolition (lack of motivation) and anhedonia (lack of pleasure in doing things). These are what are known as 'negative symptoms'. And unfortunately they are symptoms that our modern psychiatric medications don't really treat well.  I enjoy a clean home. I (usually) enjoy making it that way, too. I love the way a freshly cleaned house smells and feels. I like picking out and trying new cleaning and tidying products. However, negative symptoms can sometimes really get in the way of those feelings. How do I manage? To be honest, a lot of the time not well. I know I need to tackle that pile of laundry in the hallway, or get that pile of dishes in the sink over into the dishwasher, but doing so feels like climbing a mountain with a screaming goat tied to my back.  So how do I get past this? It seems like a simplistic answer, but the t...

So now that I have introduced myself as someone who lives with schizoaffective disorder, you are probably wondering, "what the heck is that anyway?"  Good question. I am not a mental health professional but as someone living with the condition, I can give you my lived experience as well as some of the facts I know.  Schizoaffective disorder is a mental illness characterized by symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder such as major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder. So instead of just depression, just mania or just psychosis, it’s all of the above. Sometimes overlapping, sometimes taking turns. But what does that mean for the person living with it? Well, right now for me it means that I am in a depressive state while experiencing hearing voices and paranoia. Here's the important part, it's getting better thanks to careful and intense intervention from my psychiatrist. I am currently seeing her every two weeks where when I am stable, (yes thankfully there is ...

Hello there! My name is Sarah and I live with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and severe anxiety. But that is only a snippet of what makes me, me.  I love all things home. I like making a cozy environment as best that I can. Sometimes this is easier than others, due to symptoms, but I am always thinking of ways to make life feel comfortable and worth living. I love knitting, crochet, cleaning (yes, I actually enjoy cleaning my home), cooking, baking, and gardening. I love sharing my life with my husband and two cats.  In this blog, I will explore homemaking, gardening, cooking, crafting, and try to dispel some stigma and misconceptions around serious mental illness. And yes, there will be cat pictures, you can count on that. So pour a cup of tea, and join me in my life.